You
were
as
a
king
on
a
throne,
I
was
a
beggar
before
you
always
hungry
never
satisfied
always
yearning
for
more --
Just
your
voice
on
the
phone
or
the
sight
of
you
and
I
would
melt
inside
and
feel
my
heart
race
with
excitement
beyond
anything
else.
Just
that
you
were
and
I
had
found
you.
I
ached
for
you
but
never
completely
let
go
because
of
fear.
Maybe
the
hunger
was
all
I
had
left
and
I
Just
couldn't
let
it
be
filled.
I
wanted
your
nearness
your
attention
your
smile
to
pierce
my
heart
over
and
over
again: "The
greediest
one
of
them
all,"
You
said.
It
was
true.
And
why
did
I
really
want
to
be
with
you
so
completely?
Was
this
where
the
spiritual
path
had
led
me?
Was
this
really
what
they
call
'spiritual'
this
utter
devotion
self-abasement
none
of
the
books
or
people
ever
spoke
of
this
self-
annihilation
willingness
to
be
destroyed.
You
would
tease me
blast me
mercilessly
about
my
cooking (you call this food)
my
driving (why did you turn there)
my
clothes (that doesn't match)
my
eating (leave something for someone)
my
falling
asleep (wake up!)
my
sex life (how many women were you with?)
you
found
my
weakest
most
vulnerable
part
that
which
I
couldn't
show
anyone
and
always
with
a
room
full
of
people
to
judge
me:
I
wanted
money
and
security
how
proud
I
was
of
myself
my
arrogance
I
would
compete
with
everyone
just
for
a
look
of
your
kindness
and
no
matter
how
horrible
you
made
it
for
me
I
loved
it
longed
for
it
regardless
of
what
havoc
it
wreaked
on
my
life.
"Why
are
you
here?"
You
asked
me.
"Just
for
this,"
I
said.
That
was
the
truth.
I
wanted
nothing
more.
Could
anyone
understand
any
of
this
because
it
doesn't
make
any
sense
even
to
me
how
could
I
have
become
so
lost
in
you?
Even
you
would
say,
"You're
a
sentimental
fool."
But
you
never
denied
my
devotion
to
you.
I
always
did
what
you
told
me
to
do
why?
Was
this
weakness
some
flaw
in
me
or
something
else
that
I
couldn't
name
and
still
can't
I
simply
thought
of
all
the
loves
I
had
felt
in
my
life
and
that
they
all
added
up
to
you.
You
never
put
anything
between
us
ever
you
never
warded
off
my
feelings
for
you
even
when
they
were
embarrassing
for
both
of
us.
I
would
tell
you
of
my
love
and
you
would
say,
"Look
at
that
line
of
cars
it
all
looks
like
a
single
line
to
me."
You
never
let
anyone
hurt
me
or
tamper
with
our
relationship.
It
didn't
matter
who
you
were
close
to
or
how much
more
you
cared
for
them --
though
sometimes
I
couldn't
let
go
of
my
feelings
of
envy
I
wanted
to
possess
you
to
sit
in
a
room
with
you
and
me
forever
with
no
one
to
ever
come
between
us
nothing
and
no one
to
disturb
that
endless
Peace.
Those
closest
to
me
I
lost
as
friends
over
the
years.
Only
one
or
two
could
I
share
my
heart
with
when
I
tried
to
stammer
my
feelings
for
you.
And
why
should
anyone
want
to
hear
all
this?
It
was
enough
for
me
to
have
felt
it.