Embrace the Void

Too much waiting
to see what's
next  no U.G. to
touch base with
I don't even know myself
anymore  things are
the same in a way
and then different
you don't know me either
how could you
U.G. where is the
deep sorrow of your
loss for me to cling
to and never ever
let go  of trying
I just want to
keep this feeling
of something beyond
the usual Larry
I will stay with
this feeling forever
and ever  don't underestimate
the inner
life  I will will myself
to be connected to
you at this center
of deep inner sorrow
stay there Larry  why
not let it be enough
you remember how it
was in his presence
that deep feeling
of joy  now there
is the absence
the hole in me
where you were
and I can't fill
it back with something
or someone else
maybe that's it  not
fill this absence
to let it be, to quit
arguing with it
to let the loss
come to free myself
from trying to be
brave and fulfilled
I'm happy  not
let go of it
needing to be different
divine absence they call
it  it really is the
dark night, a blank
where you used to be.