You
always
testing
the
limits
of
my surrender.
Palm Springs
when
I
was
so
broke
discouraged
down and out
we
went
on
a
shopping
spree
to
furnish
your
new
house
and
I
maxed-out
the
last
of
my
credit
cards
and
that
store
where
we
found
the
picture/clocks
you
kept
buying
more
and
more
6, 7, 8 clocks
finally
I
said
"No
more
I
can't
buy
anymore."
You
screaming
and
yelling
but
if
I let
go
anymore
I'd
die
or
go
crazy.
You
were
never
satisfied
always
pushing
the
limit.
In
Palm Springs
still
no money
living
on cheese sandwiches.
The
Maladhis
inviting me
to dinner
and I said,
"Yes"
and then
they said,
"Just don't
tell U.G."
Immediately
I
called
you
and
you
said, "Why
did you
put yourself
in such an
awkward position."
And
I
apologized
to them
left
drove
to your place
to beg
forgiveness
then
went
to
Albertsons
for my
cheese sandwich.
How
many
times
you
would
walk
me
to
the
ATM cash
machine
to
clean
out
my
account
your
hand
like
a
cobra
striking
reaching
for
the
cash
until
there
was
nothing
left:
Nataraj
saying.
"There
will
be
many
more
walks
to
the
ATM machine,
Larry."
How
many
I
can't
even
remember.
Still
I
surrendered
to
you
so
afraid
of
winding
up
penniless
in
the
streets.
Then
the
time
in
Fluelen
terrified
still
no
money.
You
took
us
into
the
church
and
said,
"Pray to Jesus
for money
right now
if
you
don't
get it,
He doesn't
exist."
Susan
asked
you
to
give us
some
time.
And
when
we
returned
home
there
was
money.
With
you
it
was
the
extreme
that
was
your
secret
gift
to
us
pushing
us
beyond
our
construct
of
what made sense
of
how things worked.
Soon
the
money
ceased
to
be
a
problem
because
of
you.
You
made
everything
possible
so
it
could
all
work-out.
I'm
ashamed
to
say
that
sometimes
I
didn't
trust
you
thought
you
wanted
me
to
be
impoverished.
How
could
I
understand
how
much
you
cared
for
me,
watched
over
me,
made
sure
I
was
taken
care of.
Forgive me
wherever
I
doubted
you.