You
took
us
beyond
what
we
wanted
or
thought
we
needed
always
destroying
the
foundation
of
our
life
and
never
ever
letting us
rebuild
sometimes
you
would
practically
starve
us
other
times
you
would
overfeed
us
to
the
point
of
nausea.
In
Gstaad
morning
breakfast
serving
us
huge
bowls
of
oatmeal
laced
with
Dole
frozen pineapple juice
filled
to
the
brim
with
45% cream
or
the
time
in
Palm Springs
Ocotillo Lodge
you
sat
me
down
in
front
of
that
huge
hunk
of
lettuce
and
hard
French bread
and
silently
watched
me
for an hour
as I
swallowed
the
dry
leaves.
Or
the
car
trips
just
time
enough
to
stop
jump out
grab
something
to
eat
anything
from
the
street
and
jump
back
in
the
car
keep
driving --
feeding
you
in
the
car
when
you
were
sick
and
couldn't
swallow
anything
going
slow
so
you
wouldn't
choke
people
behind
me
furious
at
the
slow
pace
finding
a
place
to
stop
so
you
could
spit up
or
throw out
the
water
cups
of
half-digested
food.
This
was
the
life
you
shared
with
us
with
the
endless
stories
about
your
life
your
rages
your
peace
and
always
that
freedom
pushing
us
beyond
ourselves
to
places
we
didn't
want
to
go.
And
we
screamed
inside
ourselves:
No
more
No
More.
Now
you
are
gone
and
there
is
no
more
except
this
feeling
that
insists
inside
that
in
some
way
you'll
never
ever
be
gone
but
what
to
do
now
and
how
to
live
without
you
here
no
matter
in
what
way
we
still
feel
you
that
is
the
question
for
each
of
us
who
have
been
touched
by
you.