What
will
I
be
like
after
keeps
coming
over and over
again
like
the
day
before
I
met
U.G.
not
knowing
what
was
coming
and
how
things
were
about
to
change
utterly.
Something
burning
deep
down
it's
not
that
I'm
that
free
from
old
habits
cravings
and
compulsions
not
beyond
desire
not
at
all.
Those
last
8 days
with
U.G.
turned
me
inside
out
still
feeling
like
I
haven't
recovered
and
won't
recover
some
numb
feeling
I
pretend
not
to
feel
when
that's
at
bottom
all
I'm
really
feeling.
So
my
life
has
been
stuck
at
that
level
ever
since
and
I
can't
will
myself
to
unstick
it
as
if
I
died
that
day
with
you
but
I'm still
here
walking
around
breathing
and
talking
but
what
is
left
of
me?
Maybe
I've
given
too
much
of
myself
away
or
not
enough
yet
can't
we
live
without
a
reason
to
live?
What
is
the
center
what
connects
us
to
this
life
and
what
more
do
we
need
to
do?
Yes
things
we
have
to
do
to
stay
alive
or
are
we
just
warding
off
the
silence
that
is
beckoning
us
to
a
deeper
surrender?
Some
days
I'm
filled
with
the
need
to
do
something
anything
to
break
through
my
lethargy
other
days
lethargy
seems
enough.